February 23, 2009

This Means War

I had a very frightening experience Saturday night. I was up late thinking about Lent and reading about Sunday of the Last Judgment. My wife has been ill and on some nights I sleep in my oldest daughter’s bed (she is away at college) so she can be more comfortable (I tend to thrash around a lot). At about 1:00 a.m. Sunday morning I went to bed and dozed off.

Suddenly the blankets caught fire, a blinding conflagration quickly consuming the bed with me in it. I could feel the deadly heat, smell the burning cloth. I jolted awake, extremely glad it was nothing more than a bad dream. After a few moments I eased back into a troubled sleep.

Then suddenly there were three heavy claw hammers on the blanket holding me down. It was clear these were hammers of destruction and would be used on me (I have seen what a claw hammer will do to a skull and it is extraordinarily gruesome). Again I jolted awake and was profoundly glad to be back in this/our world. I crossed myself several times and asked our Lord to protect me and give me undisturbed sleep.

Again I dozed. Then knives, a frenzy of blades of all sizes jabbing at me, slashing into the bed, the blankets and me. Finally I surfaced out of the nightmare gasping for breath, really glad for the comfort of the known. Again prayers then sleep. Again a nightmare followed by a brief time awake. On and on until there was no asleep or awake, just pure terror.

A deep dread set in. I was aware enough to know that this had to stop or I would be in a very bad situation. I tried to get up but some force, some presence held me down. It was like being in the grasp of an immensely heavy and talented wrestler. Every move I made was countered. I struggled forever just to get my hand to the edge of the bed. My heart was pounding from claustrophobia but the fight just would not end. I was trapped. Finally I screamed three times for my wife to come help me. This seemed to cause the grip to ease up just enough for me to finally get up. I ripped every blanket off the bed and ran to find my wife (she never heard any scream). The struggle had gone on for 90 minutes.

I am a former U.S. Marine, and a former deputy sheriff. I have had about five years of martial arts training. I am about 6’3” and 240 lbs, a big gnarly guy not easily spooked. I was terrified. I know this sounds crazy but I have never been more aware on a visceral level of the evil in our world.

I have some idea about what may have led to all this but I’ll wait until after talking with Fr. Ted before going into any of that.


Victoria said...

Lord have mercy!!
that sounds truly terrifying.

s-p said...

Indeed seek spiritual counsel before attempting to discern a dream's meaning. They often come from within, but our "within" is usually a ruin and cannot be trusted to know the truth about anything. The demons prey on our fear and delusions. May your spiritual father guide your heart to the peace of God.

DebD said...

Lord have mercy!

I've had frightening nights before too (although not that bad), but it has been a while - thank God. I hope your talk with Fr. Ted is productive.

Fr. James Early said...

I assume this is not fiction, right? Wow, what a scary experience! May God cause it to be profitable for you, frightening though it was.

Isabella said...

speaking from my small, limited, and what meager wisdom I have with some similar experience...the worst thing is perceiving it as "personal"...if it is a dark force, it trolls with wide nets; these experiences have almost without fail mean somehow I have drifted too far away from the only place, the only One that can keep us safe body and soul.

If we let it, it can turn our gaze from the One who is our Hope, which is exactly the wrong thing to do...for me, it somehow is a weakness whose foundation is somehow tied in to pride to put too much thought, energy and emphasis on these experiences...
And it takes humility, to say, this is not about me, but the enemy prowling about, throwing out bait in all directions, to see if anyone will "bite".
Seeking spiritual guidance whenever something of this sort happens, the advice is usually the same and has also proved to be the most helpful...flee;

Christ has fought and won the battle; our personal battle is not with evil (though I am sure it seeks to draw us into a fight); our battle is with ourselves...to do the work that keeps us clinging to Christ and let go of anything that may weaken that bond.

Again, take it with a grain of salt, and flee to the place, to the people, to the Grace that is always available to us...all that is needed for our Salvation, He has already given...cling to HIM.


Anonymous said...

Lord, have mercy.

My prayers for you for peace and comfort; God bless.