October 20, 2008

Too Tired To Move, Too Restless To Sleep

Below is what more or less sprung from my mind on this very black day. I apologize for the subject matter.

Depression is moment to moment torment, trapped in the everydayness, the immediate now. Bleak with no hope of hope, her box now empty, the wheel in the bottom of the turn. No hope of transformation.

Sleep is the only solace where life no longer impinges on my senses unfiltered. Prone to tears when even the smallest sadness becomes a behemoth. Swimming in lethargy too tired to move, too restless to sleep. Beyond the transience of melancholy out into the deep water of despair. The fall into the blackness unceasing, the crushing pressure, the blindness, heart racing, lungs tearing, thrust to the surface for a teasing gulp of life before being dragged down again. Into the dark depths, stranded in the blackness.

Knowing it will pass but not knowing how to hold out that long. Maybe tomorrow. Maybe.

Lord Jesus Christ have mercy on me a sinner.


s-p said...

I've stared into the abyss for many years. No apology needed.

Anonymous said...

Indeed; I am even currently facing the darkness. And, with all sicknesses, it's horrid effect is that it often robs us of the everday joys of life.

My prayers. Please, of your mercy, remember me also.

DebD said...

no apologies necessary. I've also been in that pit. Prayers for you.